


to be young and in love

by dotaeish



Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: Coming Out, Fluff, Getting Together, I hope someone likes it, M/M, and more seungkwan appreciation, it’s just a cute little thing I wrote in thirty minutes idek, the others are mentioned but I’m too lazy to tag all of svt, the world deserves more verkwan fluff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-30
Updated: 2018-04-30
Packaged: 2019-04-30 05:08:01
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,866
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14489466
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dotaeish/pseuds/dotaeish
Summary: Hansol thinks about it. He knows what his mom wants him to say, he knows it wouldn’t be a lie if he said it. He just hasn’t fully thought about it because, honestly, he kind of realized that it was happening around two minutes ago. But at the same time, the rational side of him knows that it’s been happening for days, weeks, months, maybe even years. It’s nothing new. It should not be as surprising as it is. He hits his own forehead with his palm and deeply breaths in and out before speaking.“Mom… I might be a little gay for Seungkwan.”





	to be young and in love

**Author's Note:**

> This is not beta’d so I hope there’s not too many mistakes. Disclaimer; English is not my first language. Second disclaimer; I do not own the character nor do I know the boys in real life and I don’t presume to know anything about their actual sexual orientations.
> 
> Enjoy!

Seungkwan never needed to explicitly come out. When he was in middle school, he had his first crush on a boy and it took his friends and family less than twenty four hours to figure it out, that’s how obvious his feelings were. His friends teased him good naturedly and his mom told him to be careful, since not everyone might react to his crush as positively and his sisters annoyed him about it for hours but then later hugged him and told him they loved him. Seungkwan was 11 and he didn’t even realize what a big day that was until years later.

So when Seungkwan got accepted to Pledis and moved to Seoul by himself, he realized it wasn’t as simple with complete strangers. The first time another older trainee asked him about girls, he just giggled and told him he wasn’t interested. A silence fell, indicating to him for the first time in his life that this was a big deal. 

“I mean, not interested in dating,” he continued, and got a few nervous laughs back in response, but it was pretty clear he hadn’t fooled anyone.

Later that day an older trainee called Seungcheol found Seungkwan in the stairwell, just sitting there staring blankly at the wall. He sighed as he sat next to the younger boy and draped an arm over his shoulders.

“It’s okay, you know.”

Seungkwan decided to play dumb. “What is?”

“That you like guys.” Seungcheol decided to be blunt, figuring there was really no better approach to this conversation. “You’re not the only one here, even if it’s not usually talked about openly. Most trainees and staff have no problem with it. And if someone does, you can come to me and I’ll take care of it.”

“That sounds like you’ll murder them, hyung,” Seungkwan giggled but leaned against Seungcheol’s broad shoulders, relaxing a bit now. Then he continued in a quiet voice. “I didn’t even think about it, you know. No one back home had a problem with it and they have known for years, so I didn’t even remember that it was a thing.”

“You’re lucky, Seungkwan. And you’ll be just as lucky here,” Seungcheol said warmly. “Us hyungs will all take good care of you.”

 

~~~

 

The first person Seungkwan actually comes out to, as in saying it out loud in those exact words, is Mingyu. And by association, all of Seventeen, since they are all standing next to them. But it doesn’t really count, since they all kinda knew anyway, it’s more like a confirmation.

It all started out a few months before their debut. They had all been assigned as a team for a month already and were filming their TV show, and everyone was short on patience. Mingyu reacted to this by annoying everyone and anyone around him, but especially the maknae line, since he could be more comfortable with them. Seungkwan reacted to Mingyu by, well, exploding.

“Yes, we all get it!” Seungkwan screamed, making the whole team freeze. They had been practicing their group choreography, without any staff around, thank the gods. “I AM GAY. BIG, OLD, FLAMING HOMOSEXUAL. I LIKE GUYS. I LIKE LOOKING AT GUYS’ ASSES. ARE YOU HAPPY NOW?”

Mingyu, who yes, had been teasing Seungkwan about looking at the members behinds, went red as a firetruck and started stammering something incomprehensible. Before he could get an actual response out of his mouth, Seungkwan was tugged backwards and dragged to the practice room door.

“Nothing to see here!” Hansol grinned at his still frozen team, “we’re just gonna go for a little walk to calm down, you guys can keep practicing!” Just before the door clicked shut, Hansol could see the members finally start moving and, probably, breathing properly.

Seungkwan tugged his arm free from Hansol just a few steps outside the practice room but didn’t say anything, just kept walking out of the building. Hansol sighed deeply but followed, figuring that the older would start talking (or most likely ranting) when he was ready. It turned out he was right about ten minutes later, when they had reached the nearby park.

“I’m not gonna apologize,” Seungkwan started, and before Hansol could point out no one had asked him to do so, continued. “He was just being so fucking annoying, and I know it’s because we’re all stressed, but is it my fucking fault? Why does he have to bother just me? And about that. It’s not like I’m even the only one on the team who likes guys.”

Hansol hummed in agreement. He didn’t know what exactly everyone labeled themselves as, but he knew that at least half the team fit under the description ‘not straight’, himself included.

Seungkwan turned around to look at him for the first time since they’d left practice. “You know, that was the first time I actually said it out loud.” Hansol’s confusion must have shown on his face, because he clarified. “That I’m gay.”

Maybe it shouldn’t have surprised Hansol, but it definitely did. Yeah, it wasn’t like they talked about these things explicitly, but Seungkwan had never been ashamed of his sexuality.

“But I thought… your family knew?” he asked hesitantly.

“Yeah,” Seungkwan nodded, “but I never had to tell them. They just knew. Same with my friends and everyone here. I just never had to even say it.” And then, all of a sudden, he burst into tears.

Hansol didn’t move for at least ten seconds, shocked and unsure of what to do, but then he went with his instincts, wrapping Seungkwan in a hug and letting him sob against his (very sweaty) shoulder while rubbing his hands up and down the older’s back.

He didn’t know what to say, so he just didn’t say anything. By that age Hansol had already realized that if people had something to say, it was better to wait until they were ready to say it without pestering them or assuming what they were feeling. He had perfected the art of silently waiting.

“I don’t even know why I’m crying,” Seungkwan finally muttered against Hansol’s shirt sometime later. “I guess it just hit me that… I am gay. And maybe it hasn’t mattered yet, but it’s going to matter in a few months once we debut. And I hadn’t really thought about it that way before.”

Hansol nodded, bumping his chin to the top of Seungkwan’s head. “I know. To be honest, I haven’t thought about it too much myself. Like I know we’re going to have to answer questions about our ideal types and what the hell am I going to say when I have never even looked at a girl that way?

He chuckled. “But, we have time to figure it out. It’s not like we have to go on stage screaming ‘oh by the way, I’M TOTALLY STRAIGHT’, we can just let people think whatever they wanna think. And, we have each other, and we all know and love each other no matter what, so shouldn’t that matter the most?”

He stopped his monologue to glance down at Seungkwan who was looking at him with a weird, contemplative look in his eyes. “Okay, two things,” the older started. “One, that’s the most I’ve ever heard you say at once. And two, when the hell did you grow up that much? I was so sure your mental age was somewhere around five years old.”

Seungkwan avoided Hansol’s playful punch and instead grabbed his hand and started walking back towards the building they had come from. When they got to the practice room, the other members ruffled Seungkwan hair and poked his tummy and then laughed off his complaints, like everyone had a need to make sure they were still okay. But no one directly commented on his behavior before, understanding it for what it was, and no one said anything about the fact that Seungkwan and Hansol’s hands were still tightly clasped together.

 

~~~

 

Something changed between Seungkwan and Hansol after that night, and pretty much everyone around them noticed (okay, someone may have had to point it out to Mingyu, but give the poor boy a break). The two had always been close, being the same age and all, but after their little walk, they became more tactile but their interactions also became more quiet at the same time. 

Now, when Seungkwan was stressed, instead of starting a screaming match with another member, he went and sat on Hansol’s lap while the other cuddled him and whispered something softly in his ear. And when Hansol was feeling homesick and missing his family, instead of sitting somewhere staring at nothing and hearing nothing (which everyone had found fairly creepy), he found Seungkwan’s hand and started playing with his fingers. And Seungkwan **never** told him to stop. Which he did to other members. They tested it out one by one to make sure.

When they debuted and heard fans talking about how cute VerKwan was, the two boys felt a bit awkward, but ignored it as well as they could. They couldn’t let stuff like that affect their friendship, because by that point, they were each other’s biggest comforts in between their crazy stressful schedules.

The other boys teased them about it too, but after noticing how uncomfortable it could make the two friends, they kept it to the minimum and only did it when it was perfectly clear that it was a joke, which usually resulted in Seungkwan swatting at them and Hansol fondly looking at all of this to the side of him. It was easy, it didn’t have any definition, but everyone knew there was something special about Seungkwan and Hansol.

 

~~~

 

Seventeen has been all over the country and the world lately and Hansol hasn’t seen his family for four months. FOUR. MONTHS. So one Saturday he decides screw it, he needs to call his mom and have like a three hour call with her because he just can't take it anymore. They end up talking about nothing important, just random stuff each of them has been up to and a lot of Hansol’s random topics of conversation seem to involve stories about Seungkwan, which his mother, being a very intuitive woman, quickly realizes.

“You and Seungkwan seem to be spending a lot of time together,” she says. “Do you really like him?”

Hansol doesn’t even think about his response, which - not a good idea. “Yeah of course, I love Seungkwan.”

There’s a long silence at the other end of the call which gives Hansol time to realize he’s fucked up, and then a loud exhale. “Hansol, my dear son, I’m pretty sure I have never even heard you say the word love before.”

Hansol panics and hangs up on his mom - yes another bad idea. Then he sits there staring at the phone screen until it vibrates to signal a new call.

“Hansol Vernon Chwe, how dare y-“ is all he hears before he instinctively hangs up again. And immediately answers it back.

“Okay this time I’m going to get actually mad,” his mother starts and Hansol’s so, so, so glad he has such a cool mom.

“I know, I’m sorry,” he replies, his throat feeling inexplicably dry. “I just… panicked.” Hansol has never been able to lie to his mother, so he doesn’t even try.

“So, my dearest son…” Hansol wants to point out he’s her only son, but bites his tongue instead - not the time. “Do you have something to tell me?”

Hansol thinks about it. He knows what his mom wants him to say, he knows it wouldn’t be a lie if he said it. He just hasn’t fully thought about it because, honestly, he kind of realized that it was happening around two minutes ago. But at the same time, the rational side of him knows that it’s been happening for days, weeks,months, maybe even years. It’s nothing new. It should not be as surprising as it is. He hits his own forehead with his palm and deeply breaths in and out before speaking.

“Mom… I might be a little gay for Seungkwan.”

His mom bursts out laughing at the other end of the line and Hansol can’t help but giggle a little to himself. Well, that definitely wasn’t the worst reaction he could have gotten to coming out.

 

~~~

 

Hansol’s been acting a little weird around Seungkwan for the last month, cutting himself off sometimes when it seems like he wants to say something, staring at him when he thinks Seungkwan doesn’t notice. Luckily for him, Seungkwan’s been so busy doing his own thinking that he actually doesn’t notice. For a month, that is. When he does, he decides he finally needs to talk to someone about it.

He thinks about it long and hard. He knows it would be the easiest to talk to Seungcheol or Seokmin or Soonyoung. They would give him infinite support and positivity and just reinforce the conclusions he has come to by himself. That’s exactly why those three are out.

Mingyu is out, because, well… if there’s someone who has been more oblivious than Seungkwan, it’s Mingyu. It would be like a blind person leading another blind person. Seungkwan also crosses Wonwoo out of the potential candidates simply because of his association with Mingyu. Call him petty, whatever.

Jeonghan… yeah, no. He’s out as soon as his name crosses Seungkwan’s mind. Joshua would do a good job, he knows, but he’s just not in the mood for the serious and gentle advice Joshua would offer. Chan he doesn’t even consider, because Chan is a child. The end of.

Seungkwan counts with his fingers. That means there’s Jihoon, Junhui and Minghao left. All of them are good options, because they can all be blunt when needed. But Seungkwan’s not about to go to Jihoon to talk about his love life to get physically kicked out. Also, Jihoon would probably write a song about how pathetic he is, and Seungkwan’s just not up for that today.

So he goes to find the two members from China. It’s surprisingly easy, because they are in a small dance studio practicing something together. Well, that worked out perfectly.

Seungkwan strides into the room, closes the door, takes a deep breath and then announces: “I think I’m in love with Hansol.”

Minghao just drops to the floor and looks at the ceiling like he’s wishing for death (he is). Junhui sits down next to him and looks at Seungkwan expectantly, as if he’s supposed to continue. Seungkwan’s starting to regret his choice.

“Any comments?” He asks, in a much more unsure voice.

Junhui looks like he’s trying not to laugh. At least he’s trying. Minghao just sighs a “finally”, which seems to break Junhui, which in turn makes Minghao laugh too because Junhui‘ giggles are very contagious.

Seungkwan sits down on the floor and waits them out while thinking about all the choices that got him here, in this moment, in his life.

About five minutes later, Junhui seems to be able to speak again. “Are you really telling us you only realized this now?” He asks, with an incredulous look on his face. Seungkwan just nods silently, which suddenly turns the other two serious.

“Seungkwan,” Junhui starts gently while clapping a hand on Minghao’s mouth to stop him from making a sarcastic comment he just knows is on the tip of the younger boys tongue. “You’re in love with Hansol, Hansol is in love with you. We all know this. We just thought you were waiting to tell us or something.”

Seungkwan stares at him, eyes big. “But.. aren’t you normally in a relationship with someone for a while before falling in love?”

Minghao turns red and Junhui has just enough time to think, ‘oh no’.

“What do you mean you two idiots aren’t even in a relationship?! You have been making eyes at each other for at least a year, I cannot believe how dumb you can be to…” Minghao looks like he’s about to actually choke Seungkwan.

Seungkwan bolts.

 

~~~

 

A few nights later, Hansol and Seungkwan are in their bed late at night while the room is already quiet apart from Chan’s soft snoring. The bed was Seungkwan’s at first, they think, but they have had a habit of sharing it for the past year or so. (Yes, they now realize how dumb they have been, thank you very much for asking.)

Seungkwan burrows his head into the curve between Hansol’s shoulder and neck and quietly asks: “We are something special, aren’t we?”

Hansol’s silent for a long moment before whispering back: “In what way?”

“Like… you wouldn’t be like this with anyone else, would you?” Seungkwan’s suddenly a little unsure, even if he already knows the answer.

The silence is shorter this time.

“Of course not.”

Seungkwan breathes a little easier.

“Good.”

He feels Hansol press a kiss to the top of his head and giggles silently. Hansol joins in.

“Will you two lovesick idiots please shut up, it’s three in the morning!” sounds from the other side of the room. The giggles, of course, just increase in volume.

**Author's Note:**

> Well I hope you liked this little thing I wrote! Comments and kudos are appreciated but not mandatory. 
> 
> This happened when I watched way too many Verkwan fan videos in one night. I just couldn’t get it out of my head. If a lot of people like this, I could continue it but right now it’s just a short one-shot.
> 
> I can be found on Twitter @ikonicgaykids, if you have something to say to me


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